ZOMGSNOWPACOLYPSE!!!!!!

Okay.  I've determined in my 35 years on this planet that I *may* have more common sense than the average spider monkey, but sweet Jeebus, this takes the cake.

Our beloved school system cancelled school today, and cited this rationale (I'm quoting this from their FB post): "All schools are closed today, Friday, January 13, 2012. While main roads are passable, there are potentially dangerous conditions on side roads, subdivisions and on school campuses."  POTENTIALLY.  Not "This is the Superintendent, and I actually got my ass out of bed this morning to check shit out, and it sucks", but "there's the slightest chance that somewhere in the county, the roads suck, so have fun with your kids today, and hey, sorry that they're going to bitch all day because today was their pizza party for good behavior in the lunchroom, so have a great four-day weekend with your kids being complete dicks."

Now, it is possible that in some areas it might be a little slick, considering the four hours of rain we had before it started snowing, but it is certainly not a "OMG GET OUT OF MY WAY I NEED BOTTLED WATER AND CANDLES AND CANNED FOOD AND BLANKETS AND SPACE HEATERS!!!!!" kind of situation.  In fact, the grass isn't even covered with snow.  There's not enough to make a decent snowball, much less a snowman.  Oh, and did I mention the high for today is above freezing and the sun is out?

Yeah.

Adventures in Depression

That title makes this post sound entirely too exciting than what it actually is.  Actually, it makes me want to watch Adventures In Babysitting, which I may just do after the kidlets go to bed.  We got a satellite dish when I was in grade school, and I watched a lot of movies I really shouldn't have.  Hence, "DON'T. FUCK. WITH. THE. BABYSITTER." was a choice phrase a lot earlier in life than it should have been.  Don't hate.  That shit is awesome.  And this kid?  Rad as fuck.

Spaghettio's!  WITH MEAT!  I want that hat.  I want it bad.

Alright, back to business.  Heh.  That makes me think of Big Business.  With Bette Midler and Lily Tomlin. Don't judge.

I HAVE THE BEST TASTE IN MOVIES. EVER.

I need a day just to watch crappy 80s movies.  That would refresh and rejuvenate me.  Not according to my doc, though.  Although he does think I need rest.  Rest in which I actually sleep for more than 45 minutes to two hours at a crack.  So I have a new cocktail to try, in the hopes that I don't sleep like a baby.  Because seriously - whoever came up with that crap has never had a newborn.  And when I say newborn, I mean kids period, because Captain Awesome didn't decide to sleep through the night until he was heartily past a year old.

Anyhoo, cross your fingers and your toes that this shit works.  Because if I don't get some decent sleep, I may self implode.  Oh, I also have the flu, so steer clear.  I'll try not to breathe in your general direction.

I don't remember seeing ducks in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

So because I can be an ass, and I love my friends from Tha Dirtay Jerz, I had to start some shit when I saw that there were Bumpits on sale for $3.75, because you know everyone looks like Snooki in New Jersey.  Except my friends.  And Chris Christie.  Dude totally needs a Bumpit.  I can hardly type right now I'm laughing so hard imagining him wearing a a Bumpit.  And a Mystic Tan.  And taking a picture of himself with a cell phone making a duck face.

Can't... brreeeeeeeeeeeeathe...

Haaaaaaaaah! Thanks, Pinterest!

Okay, here's how it is:  STOP with the Oompa Loompa Mystic Tan Duckface business!!!  The following images, while seared on my brain forever so it's not an issue, should never be forgotten as so not to make a huge fashion fuck-up:

Thankfully, I don't know who these people are.  I totally stole this off Pinterest.  Well, not stole, it was free.  Anyway, this is a prime example of "Oompa Loompa Duckface - You're Doing It Wrong".  

I don't think any more needs to be said about this one. Thanks, Pinterest?

Stop the insanity!  Where is Susan Powter when we need her and her platinum buzz cut?

Eat, Breathe, Move, Duckface? Thanks, Google Images!

Well, hell, I just shot myself in the ass with that, didn't I?  Well, who said she was stable anyway?  Stop your own insanity, SP!

It's Monday.  And Captain Awesome has watched Tangled approximately 1749817 times this weekend.  And wants to watch it again.  Someone shoot me in the face and pass the coffee.  And cheesecake.

I'm no meterologist, but...

This weather is just about to straight up piss me off.  It is as bipolar as my mother-in-law off her meds.  Case in point: today's high is 77, chance of showers, relatively mild, no wind, kind of a nice day.  Little warm for my liking this time of year, but can't really complain. The low for tonight?  54.  Cool enough for an extra blanket on the bed and to turn the space heaters on in the kids' rooms.  I sleep next to a man-shaped furnace, so to turn the heat on would be equal to me sleeping in a sauna, thank you, but no.

Here is my quandary:  If the low for tonight is 54, meaning that's as cold as it is supposed to get, then how in God's name is the high for tomorrow 52?????  Isn't this "simple" math?  Daughter asked me how that was possible this morning, and although I like to pretend I'm smarter than a fifth grader, I was completely stumped.  I just changed the subject.  Kind of like the other day when she asked me what a sister wife was.

Thank you, Weather Channel.  I like to start off my days feeling like I have only a handful of brain cells left.  In case you were wondering, I need my kids to believe that I'm smarter than they are, and YOU ARE RUINING IT.