Get off my @#$%&* porch. Unless you have Thin Mints.

Okay.  So.  We've already established that I'm not my nicest lately, so why is it that everyone and their mother wants to sell me shit on my porch!?  This is not a solicitation-friendly zone unless you're selling something I can eat.  I don't care that you want to give me a free roll of paper towels or a packet of Clorox wipes, if you're selling it, and it's not covered in chocolate, I don't want it, ESPECIALLY when it is insinuating that I need to use it to CLEAN something.  Especially when that something is a vacuum that costs more than one of the Hubs' paychecks.

So, in sum:

If you're not offering chocolate, or to clean my house yourself - and I don't mean a 1x1 square foot of my house, STFU and GIT AWF MUH PORCH.