Thursday, September 29, 2011

Get off my @#$%&* porch. Unless you have Thin Mints.

Okay.  So.  We've already established that I'm not my nicest lately, so why is it that everyone and their mother wants to sell me shit on my porch!?  This is not a solicitation-friendly zone unless you're selling something I can eat.  I don't care that you want to give me a free roll of paper towels or a packet of Clorox wipes, if you're selling it, and it's not covered in chocolate, I don't want it, ESPECIALLY when it is insinuating that I need to use it to CLEAN something.  Especially when that something is a vacuum that costs more than one of the Hubs' paychecks.

So, in sum:

If you're not offering chocolate, or to clean my house yourself - and I don't mean a 1x1 square foot of my house, STFU and GIT AWF MUH PORCH.


  1. I went to a job interview once and they wanted me to sell a $2,000 vacuum door to door.

    1. I will NEVER go door to door selling ANYTHING. Let along vacuums. This isn't 1950.

    2. I would NEVER tell someone a $2,000 vacuum was "worth the money". EVER.

  2. I hate solicitors, it's always so awkward to tell someone to get off your porch.

  3. I want you as my neighbor instead of the two I have who seem to love to be outside and judge my anti-social behavior. Hmph. I want to put up a sign that says "If you knock on my door, I will hide. I'm serious. Leave me alone. I don't want to hide. Thanks".

  4. Paula: especially when they just don't get the hint! I can only be polite for so long. Hubs just opens the door about three inches and yells "NOT INTERESTED", but I can't do that right out of the gate. I create my own hell sometimes.

    Tonya: Exactly. Quit making me a prisoner of my own home, door-to-door salesmen/women! The ones who drive me the craziest are the hordes of 20-somethings who travel the country "selling magazines" and want to come in and hang out. Um, no.