Okay. So. We've already established that I'm not my nicest lately, so why is it that everyone and their mother wants to sell me shit on my porch!? This is not a solicitation-friendly zone unless you're selling something I can eat. I don't care that you want to give me a free roll of paper towels or a packet of Clorox wipes, if you're selling it, and it's not covered in chocolate, I don't want it, ESPECIALLY when it is insinuating that I need to use it to CLEAN something. Especially when that something is a vacuum that costs more than one of the Hubs' paychecks.
So, in sum:
If you're not offering chocolate, or to clean my house yourself - and I don't mean a 1x1 square foot of my house, STFU and GIT AWF MUH PORCH.