Thursday, September 15, 2011

Questions for my kid: The Toddler Version

This will most likely be the first in a long line of these type of posts, because my child, well, both of them, have a tendency to do things/say things that blow my mind, and not always in a "OMGTHATWASTHECUTESTTHINGI'VEEVERSEEN" way.  I picked the toddler because, well, he's here. Shall we begin?

1.  Why does having a full diaper not bother you in the least?  It is not a marinade, moisturizer, or anything remotely close to being good for your skin.  And when I ask you if you need changed, shaking your head no and running for the hills is the wrong answer.

2.  Why do you find tampons and sanitary pads so fascinating?  They're not Lincoln Logs, sugar britches.  You running around the house with a pad in your mouth and two handfuls of tampons resulted in me having to have the period talk with your older sister and I wasn't remotely close to ready for that.  Thank you. :/

3.  Why must you check to make sure your penis is still there during a diaper change?  Especially when you've got a hugely disgusting diaper?  Don't you know that it's there?  Pretty sure you'd know if it up and walked away.  

4.  Why do I bother buying educational toys for you when you'd rather play with the air conditioner/heat vent?  Are you planning a HVAC career?  Don't fuck up my plans of you being an NFL superstar.  Don't you do it.

5.  Do you need to lick your food before you actually eat it?  Do you not trust me?  I promise, I will not try to sneak in vegetables in to your noms.  Anymore.

6-10.  What is in your mouth?  Where did you find that? Where are you? Did you just call 911?  Did you poop AGAIN?

These are the questions I've had within the first hour of him being awake this morning.  PARENTING IS FUN, y'all.


  1. Oh yes, daily questions in my home. Young boys are so much fun!

    My question: why on earth do you know all the words of Party in the USA and Bad Romance? These are not songs that a 3 year old should be singing while dancing around the house. What if he does it in public? God, I'm mortified just thinking about it!