Thursday, April 5, 2012

Questions I need answered

A lot of shit bugs me. Like people who use alot instead of a lot (MOM.). Therefore, I've compiled a list of seemingly innocent questions that have not been answered in my 35 years on this planet. If you know the answer, please enlighten me. As always, points for creativity.

  1. Who decided exactly what a serving size of cereal is? 3/4 of a cup ain't cutting it, people.
  2. Why do kids who wear diapers poop within 5 minutes of having a clean, dry, perfect diaper put on?
  3. Why do dogs need to go back out within five minutes of coming in?
  4. Why must said dogs also start barking 10 minutes after the smallest child is in bed?
  5. Why does it always rain the hardest right when I need to get in or out of my car?
  6. Why do all rental properties have carpets that can be stained when you spill something like water on them?
  7. Why do dogs cropdust? As ugly as their farts are, you'd think they'd at least own them.
  8. Why did Nick Jr. take off my kid's favorite show? (To make me miserable, obvs.)
  9. Why can't any of the maintenance guys/cable guys/etc. who are dispatched to our house be hot? (I can't put UPS/FedEx on this list - their drivers are so elusive, I've never seen them. I'm pretty sure they just yell "wingardium leviosa" and fly my shit from their truck.)
  10. Why can't the people in my house put shit IN the trash can rather than on the counter ABOVE it.
Unfortunately, there's many more, but a dog just barfed in the middle of my oh-so-pristine living room carpet, so that takes precedence. Looking forward to the answers...


  1. Oh Kelly, I wish I had answers, but these are things you learn when you die. I would add another to the list. Why can't anyone besides me figure out how to put toilet paper in the holder?

  2. I have the same trash problem at my house. My son plays guitar and for some reason after he changes the strings the old one always end up n the hallway. Those things have sharp ends!

  3. When the cancelled "Little Einsteins" and "The Backyardigans" my short people lost their shit. You can't DO that to a kid, yo!

  4. Such good questions, unfortunately I have no answers. I did get a woman the last time I switched from one cable company to the other....she was less than hot. I can't keep good shows on the air, but every time my kid switches on Spongebob it is always one of the two episodes I've seen.