Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Random mom thoughts that won't be in Parenting Magazine.

Sid the Science Kid's dad and grandma have stoner laughs.  As much as it makes me laugh, I can't help but ask who thought that was a good idea, and who thought no one would notice? This show makes me wish I was stoned.

Speaking of ol' Sid, do they not learn math and language arts?  And how much do his parents pay for him to be in a class with only four other kids?

If I nod enough, will she think I'm listening to whatever she's saying?  All I heard was waawaawaajustinbeiberwaawaawaaZackandCodywaawaaIneed$20forafieldtrip - WHAT?

The Fresh Beat Band never changes their clothes.  And I'm pretty sure they're all getting it on, they live in the same house.

As much as I want to crawl around in the creators of Yo Gabba Gabba's brains, I'm afraid.  Very, very afraid.

I really think too much about Elliot Stabler, Leroy Jethro Gibbs, and Anthony Dinozzo.  Naked.  At the same time.

I'd still watch PBS if there were commercials.

I wish my walls were made out of velcro, so I could stick my kids and dog on them.  Not only is it art, they're out of my hair.

Is 0837 too early for beer?


I hate that cat.

Yelling "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!" after the light fixture fucking FELL FROM THE CEILING probably wasn't the most appropriate thing I could have said, but that's what I said.  Loudly.  I think I owe my kid ice cream for dinner for making her keep the toddler out of the glass while I cleaned it up and she almost missed the bus.  Yeah, I feed her ice cream for dinner occasionally.  Kidhood is supposed to be FUN.

I hate this fucking toy.  Who bought him that?  Why doesn't it have a volume control?  Am I dying?  My ears are bleeding.  I'm going to shove bamboo skewers under my fingernails.  Prison would be a vacation.  I need medication.  Or booze.  Or both.

There really isn't a way to write a conclusion for this, so I'll just say that all of the above aside, and how on days like today I wish I was at the pool with a 64 oz margarita, without a care in the world, life is a lot funnier and sweeter with these little two legged critters running around my house.

Most likely to be continued...


  1. I'm not sure this will make you feel better, but I often tell my kids not to push me because some time in a padded cell sounds like a nice vacation. And I'm trying to convince my husband that we need to eat ice cream for dinner more often but he isn't cooperating. Any suggestions?

  2. Does your husband cook? If no, then putting a pint of ice cream in front of him is your call. If he complains, go all mom on him and send him to bed without dinner. And let me know, because I'll gladly eat his share.

    And I think a padded cell sounds like luxury right now. Ahhh.

  3. Fortunately, he does cook. I'm lucky in that.

    I've just read through your blog Kelly and I enjoyed it very much. I'm a Navy wife(for 18 years now), mom to three kids and two dogs. And a size 18 diabetic that should never have ice cream for dinner. But it doesn't stop me from wanting to. Looking forward to following your adventures.

  4. Welcome, Meg! I really want ice cream too, but since my ass has it's own zip code, I'm trying to shrink a little. Dieting and deployment shouldn't be done at the same time.

  5. Have you seen the Yo Gabba Gabba with the painter guy hollering about the gooooat on the booooat??? That was the craziest fucking thing I've ever seen on a kids show. Talk about a high as a kite old guy.

  6. Can we discuss how Sid the Science Kid runs? Possibly like he has a wooden log - yes log, not a stick - shoved up his ass?

    I feel the same way you do about Seeley Booth and Doctor Sweets. Mmmm. Sweets has P-E-R-F-E-C-T teeth. If it were possible to suck somebody else's teeth, I'd suck his. You know how your mom would always say "stop sucking your teeth and making that sound!" not like a a dirty sucking..nevermind...