Parenting at it's finest - Take 1

It has come to my attention that we (read: me) have been somewhat slacking on the consistency part of parenting lately. Now, don't get me wrong, Hubs doesn't even know the meaning of consistent (bless him), but I've come to the conclusion that picking my battles helps with my anxiety and chills me the fuck out a little bit.  That being said, the following is a list of things that I probably should work a little harder on with my children lest they become feral and I have to let them out into the wild:

• Allowing The Preteen to watch Hubs play Zombie Island or some shit on the xbox where they use choice phrases as "they all a bunch of dead zombie muthafuckas" and "fucking fuck we gwine die!" She loves watching her dad play video games, but this should probably cease and desist, even though she says "Mom, I know not to use those words. Besides, I hear them on the bus anyway." /facepalm
• Letting Captain Awesome crawl on and sit/stand on the coffee table. Seriously, he gets up there every five minutes, and if I ignore it, he eventually gets down...
• Deciding fig newtons and popcorn are acceptable meals.
• Pajamas are the new daywear.
• I've left the front door unlocked and found him in the front yard waving at cars.
• The toy room looks like a nuclear bomb site - always. I see no point in picking it up because it will be trashed in seconds after he wakes up.
• Nick Jr (who I am really pissed off at for getting rid of Moose and Zee AND Jack's Big Music Show) and Disney Junior (who our fucking crappy cable company will not get the Disney Junior Channel, the fucking Nazis) have been teaching him more than I have.
• I have threatened to UPS both of them to Zimbabwe lately more times than I'd like to admit.

On the other hand...

• I just sat through Justin Bieber: Never Say Never because I love The Preteen so much.
• I watch Backyardigans ad nauseum because I love Captain Awesome so much.
• I fucking love pajamas.
• My kids are loved, borderline spoiled rotten, and are the moon to my sun. 

Now excuse me while I go yell at one to rebrush her teeth and smother her with kisses, and then peek on my angel boy sleeping and hope I don't stub my toe on all the crap on his floor.