- None of the critters around here hibernated. Therefore, my dogs were ape shit stupid all winter. Also? The amount of roadkill was ridiculous, and continues to be so. Last time I checked, I lived IN town, so I'm not sure how a deer was hit near my house. You gave these creatures a false sense of security, Winter. All these deaths are your fault.
- Since none of the critters around here hibernated, they took the time to not only heckle my pets, but to get busy having the secks. And the secks means not A baby, no no no... but LITTERS OF CRITTERS. Bob Barker can talk about spaying and neutering all he wants to, but have you ever tried to neuter a squirrel? Didn't think so.
- It is entirely too early in the year to be forced to wear summer clothing. People be pasty and ashy, yo. Also? You can't wear white before Easter - AND YOU KNOW THIS.
- You probably fucked up the space-time continuum.
- My vehicle was painted white by Ford Motor Co. Thanks to you, it is now yellow with pollen. NOT OKAY. If I wanted a yellow Expedition, that's what I would have gotten. No, no I wouldn't. I could have bought a school bus instead.
- Because of the "very high pollen count", I am forced to keep my kids inside, which makes me stabby. Thanks for taking away my "me time", Winter.
- I blame the tornadoes on you and your bitchassness.
- You're fired, whore. I might as well move to somewhere you don't exist, like Florida. And yep, I'll blame my frizzy afro and greasy skin on you, too. Have a nice day.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Winter, you ignorant slut.
Would it have killed you to show up for a little while this year? Let me tell you what your selfishness resulted in, mmkay? Mmmkay.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Just wait until the swarms of summer bugs come out. We will have 10x more than normal since none were frozen over the winter.
ReplyDeleteSeriously. I hate snow and super frigid temps as well, but I don't live in SoCal or FL and I don't expect 75 degrees all winter! So much for the winter boots and snow pants I bought my kids. And all the cute adorable sweaters? Yeah, they will both have outgrown them all by next year. What a waste of freaking money. Oh, and you can forget the ski trip we were planning for spring break. Normally it would still be chilly and snowy in the mountains. Not this spring break! Last year = blizzardapocalypse!!!!! This year = Hello Ft. Lauderdale. Stupid weather. Suckass.
ReplyDeleteKelly, even in Boston we only had two snows and they were minimal, but you know what? I love it :D
ReplyDeleteThe bugs are already biting here(only me, but that is normal). Although I despise winter and will take an early spring anytime. And I'm wearing white- screw the rules!
ReplyDeleteHere in Eugene, OR we had no winter either....until March 21st, when we got 7 inches of snow total.
ReplyDeleteUp here in central British Columbia, Canada the snow is just starting to melt. We can see most of our yard but if you drive out into the bush, there is tons of snow! We've had winter here since November 2010. No, that is not a typo. We didn't have any summer last year, but we did have mosquito season.
ReplyDeleteI'm with you! I had to stare at my brown, dead grass for most of the season. To top it off, the lack of snow didn't mean a lack of icy roads. Now, instead of crashing into a snow bank, you hit the frozen dirt.
ReplyDeleteOh joy...