Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Signs that blatantly point I should not have gotten out of bed today.

It is only 0943, and already I should just call it a day.  It's one of those days where I'm surprised I'm not in a full body cast or a straitjacket.  Here is a list of what has happened so far this morning.  Those people who say bad shit happens in threes have obviously not lived with me.

0400:  Hubs' alarm clock goes off like an air raid.  I ram my funny bone against the corner of the bedside table in an attempt to silence the ridiculousness that is our alarm clock.  I almost cry.

0422:  Hubs' leaves for work.  I get up to go to the bathroom since sleep has run for the hills.  I'm not sure what scared it away, the alarm or the fact that my elbow is still throbbing.  Once in the bathroom, I slip on some water from Hubs' shower and pull something in my lower back.  Awesome.

0427:  Crawl back in bed.

0624:  The last time I remember looking at the clock.

0700:  Daughter's alarm clock goes off.  Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

0710:  Spill coffee grounds all over the kitchen floor.

0715:  Make daughter's lunch.  She wants to eat at school.  Fight ensues.  She wins.

0730:  Stub toe on the wooden lip thing that separates the kitchen floor from the hallway.

0800:  Begin to contemplate giving myself an at-home hysterectomy with a butter knife and a melon baller.

0812:  Daughter out the door and on the bus.

0814:  I slip on the throw rug and fall flat on my ass.

0817:  Pour third cup of coffee and stare at the news.

0859:  Realize that son is not squalling to get out of bed.  Also realize that this is two hours later than he usually sleeps.  Internally freak out that he's not okay.

0901:  He yells.  Breathe sigh of relief.  Internally berate myself for being an idiot.

0910:  Commence chasing naked two year old around the house, begging for him to not start cleaning up pee in the hallway.  Eventually tackle and successfully get diaper and pants (gasp!) on him.

0940:  Breakfast eaten, mostly. Let dog in to clean up Cheerios and egg on the floor.

0943:  Sit down to blog and wonder what the hell else is going to happen today.  And then realize I've most likely jinxed myself, and should probably go buy some bubble wrap, but the potential for something happening in public is entirely too high, so a day at home it is, without using anything remotely dangerous like fire or microwaves or towels.



  1. And this is exactly why there are some days I simply refuse to go out -- I may need milk, or whatever, but it's just not worth the risk!

  2. I hate those days! But those really crappy days make you thankful for the good ones!

  3. Hoody, I think I've just discovered the real reason for extreme couponing - when you're as accident prone as I am, you don't need to leave the house as you already have 1328 tubes of toothpaste and 47 80-count boxes of tampons and 50 lbs of rice in the pantry. And that was just in this week's paper!

    Paula - Absolutely, they do. And they're usually funny afterwards, which is always a plus. I'm just glad there was no one around to witness it. If I make fun of myself it's one thing... someone else makes fun of me, I might need restraints. lol