Monday, October 31, 2011

Let the flogging begin: I hate Halloween.

There, I said it.  I can't stand this "holiday".  I find no joy in dressing my kids up to get 8000 pounds of candy that will eventually wind up in the trash because I won't let them gorge themselves on it. (Read: I need to ensure that I don't binge on it.)  I hate having ungrateful kids give me dirty looks when they show up at my door near the end of my candy stash and all that's left is mini boxes of Milk Duds.  I hate when kids who are too old to trick-or-treat show up and expect me to goo and gah over their costume.  I hate when parents of infants think they need to get some candy for their baby so they can "eat it when they get home".  Wha?!!

Maybe this makes me a complete buzzkill and weenie, but so be it.  I hate scary movies, I hate when people wear masks and I can't tell who they are, I just think the whole thing suuuuuuuuuuuuuucks.  Halloween isn't about All Hallow's Eve anymore, it's about freaking people out and candy and costumes that make middle school girls look like hookers.

Now excuse me while I go prepare for the little shits who will probably egg the house because we're not handing candy out this year...


  1. You could sniper shoot the kids when they get close. Pan it all off as a "Haunted House." Just an idea..

  2. I think everyone has at least one holiday they don't like. Personally, I think the best part of Halloween is stealing all of my kids candy and passing it off as "candy inspection"! lol

  3. I convinced my kids one year that it would be "more fun" to stay home, turn off all the lights, and hide in the back bedroom eating cupcakes and watching movies instead of going out trick or treating.

    I'm a horrible mother.

  4. You are not alone! I like the little kids that come all dressed up and actually say "trick-or-treat". I think they're adorable (and hope their parents don't just let them have at it with all that candy). However, I hate the teenagers who come up with their pillowcases and NO costume and just stand there and look at you. Sorry, dude. You're too old and you didn't even dress up! I really just hate teenagers in general, though.

  5. Shane, evidently it got around fast that I was going all "grassy knoll" on potential hoodlums, because everything was pristine this morning. Well, as pristine as a messy car, and leaf-filled, unmowed yard can be.

    Paula, the bonus to ToT is that there are GREAT candies that Violet hates, so I win by default! What do you MEAN you don't like mounds, almond joy, or hot tamales? GIMME!

    Dani, you're not a horrible mother. I envy your persuasive ways. Teach me, Obi Wan.

    Tiff, after we got back, we had all the lights off, and STILL people knocked on the door. Isn't it the unspoken rule of Halloween you only knock on doors with porch lights on?

    Too bad Violet counted her stash last night, because I could do some damage on the mini candy bars she got.

  6. The hubs HATES halloween, but participates as minimally as possible because we have kids.

    It's a sad state of affairs when I am crazy impressed when teenagers come to the door, dressed up, say "trick or treat" then ask how many they can take (of a huge tub of little candies) and then are very grateful when I say to take a handful and then say thank you before leaving. I actually remarked to my 6 yr old standing there that that is how you come to someone's house. Grow up polite, boy. Damn.

  7. Misty, I'm glad to know that there is hope for our future. ;) I didn't see any costumes last night that I oohed and aaahed over, except this 3 year old dressed as a mummy. Super cute.