Friday, January 6, 2012

As if the new CROP of gray hairs wasn't enough...

Okay, so Happy New Year, resolution time, blah blah whatever - I took a challenge to be healthier.  I figured if it was something I had to fork over a little bit of cash for and I get a t-shirt (YESSSS!), I'm in.  So I have committed to 120 minutes of exercise per week, and some other little goodies (if you want to check it out, you can at  It's a way to get healthier both physically and mentally, and who doesn't need that at any time of the year, right?  Right.

Anyway, I think I've mentioned before that exercise and I are not friends, hence the size of my heiney.  I've never gotten the OMGTHEENDORPHINSILOVETOWORKOUTZOMG crap that people "talk" about.  I say "talk" because I think they're full of shit, and that feeling is the dizzies you get right before you pass out.  But now that I'm a parent, and a role model (I still choke a little bit trying to say that), I need to get my proverbial shit together so that my kids don't become molded to the couch with playstation controllers stuck to their grubby little hands.

That being said, I've exercised four days in a row, and this is what I've learned:

  1. It's not that bad if you can something you can tolerate.  I don't mind the stationary bike, because I can read at the same time.  I don't mind the treadmill, because I can catch up on the ol' DVR while doing that.  Kind of.  I'm not the best at multitasking in that way, but I need more than music to focus on while putting myself through this torture working on a better me.
  2. I freaking REEK.  I really need to cut down on the amount of garlic I cook with.  Holy shit.
  3. I. Am. Old.  As in, I'm pretty sure my muscles have atrophied in certain spots.  I attempted yoga last night, and I think I dislocated a hip.
So, if you're looking for me today, you'll find me in the recliner, with ice packs on my hips, abs, and shoulders - actually, I'll just fill the bathtub with ice and be in there.  With my laptop, shopping for a walk-in bathtub, a home-health aide, and ordering reading glasses, denture adhesive, and a bunch of polyester and elastic so I can start making my age-appropriate pants.

Happy Friday. :)


  1. You are adorable! And I have heard that you aren't actually supposed to work out EVERY DAY, so that you give your muscles time to heal in between workouts. Maybe that's what you are doing wrong? Then again, what do I know. If I can drag my ass to my once a week zumba class, I consider it a win! I am also doing the getting healthy thing, but I am just cutting out all the bad food for right now. I want to try to up the workouts, but haven't figured out a way to do it that will work for me at this point. It will happen though, because diet alone will not get me to my goal. Stay tuned.

    And good luck to you!! Don't let it get ya down. It is always the hardest part when you first start something new. Stick with it and it will get easier. I think. Once again, consider your source! :)

  2. :) The plan is to take the weekends off, with Sunday being my cheat day on fudz. I know I'll thank myself for this later, but right now it is truly a battle of will - My brain says get up, my butt says gravity needs help holding down the couch.

  3. You are a riot. You've captured the "Everyman (woman)" view of exercise.

    I used to be a total gym rat, but then I discovered beer and women and really couldn't make time for it. Then I got married and along came children, again time at a premium.

    Make your goal to outlast all the summer body wannabes who will hit the gyms in March and quit in May.


  4. Heh... fortunately, I have the bike at home so I don't have to deal with my gym phobias. Yes, plural. There can be rows of empty machines, but someone always sits RIGHT BY ME. WHY?!? And listening to the muscleheads lift weights makes me feel like I'm on a porn set. Kind of like the Shake Weight commercial. Ewg.

  5. Anyone who claims they like working out needs to be bludgeoned to death with a Power Bar. Assholes...

  6. HOLY SHIT!!!!!! IT ACTUALLY LET ME COMMENT!!!!!!!! YIPPPEEEEEEE!!!!!!! :) :) :)

  7. Welcome to the Kelly, Jen! :) It's fun here. And slightly crazy . . . we should fit in just fine.

  8. Power Bars could do some damage. I think I just figured out my Halloween costume for next year! It may involve some duct tape, but I'm on it.

    HI JEN!