Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Facebook Conversations: The Storage Wars Edition

Someday, Barry, you'll hit the
motherlode. Besides, you rock
a bowling shirt much better
than Charlie Sheen, so that's
It all started with a seemingly harmless statement about how I want Barry from Storage Wars to come over for dinner and drinks. I absolutely love Barry.  He's an eccentric old perv who finds the most random shit, never makes money, and is just fantastic.  He also has these ridiculously awesome skeleton gloves he wears to go through the storage units.  Anyway, the conversation started about Barry, but it soon led to the other characters, namely...

Dickhead Dave.  YUUUP.  
Dave.  Whom I like to call "Dickhead Dave", because he's a raging asshole who will run up the price on a unit just because he can.  And his "YUUUUUUUUUUUP" that he says to bid?  Makes me want to poke my own eyes out with bamboo skewers, and poke him in the face with a cattle prod.  People who are asshats just because they can be should be put in the town square and have shit thrown at them.  And when I say shit, I don't mean stuff, I mean shit.  Great big balls of shit.  "LEARN SOME HUMILITY, ASSHOLE!" *splat*

Maybe you'll find a man-bra in a storage unit
one of these days, Darrell.  THAT's the wow
factor for ya.
The absolute best part of the conversation was about this guy. Darrell.  Darrell is an intense guy who - you know, I know nothing about Darrell except he NEVER wears sleeves, could really benefit from a good waxing, and as my friend Court pointed out, has a massive set of MOOBS. Please, tell me that I wasn't the only person who had never heard of man boobs referred to as moobs before!?  I thought I was going to pee - not only because Darrell totally has moobs - which are bigger than my boobs, just sayin' - but because moobs is my new favorite word.  Ever.  In fact, Storage Wars is now named "Moob Time" in our house.  It's never going to get old.

All joking aside, I fricking love this show.  If it weren't for A&E, I really don't think I'd feel any sort of normal.  Thank you, A&E, for airing Hoarders to make me clean my house, Storage Wars to remind me that I have enough shit of my own to go buying other people's crap, Billy the Exterminator to make me thankful I don't live in fucking Louisiana, and Beyond Scared Straight for parenting tips.

1 comment:

  1. I love Barry. He is just one of those people, that are awesome, without trying. Have you seen the new Storage Wars, I think, in Texas? They're trying to have another Barry. The guy's name is Moe. There just can't be another Barry. Sorry Moe.