Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Observations I've Observed Because I'm Observant, I've Observed.

I only have to hear that damned "Give a give a give a Garmin" commercial ONCE to have it buried in my brain for the rest of the holiday season.  Carol of the Bells is a beautiful song.  Well, it was.

Dear daughter discovered the blessing and curse that is the snooze function her alarm clock today.  Part of me wanted to let her be late, but then I'd have to take her to school, and that would require actually changing out of my jammies, so waking her up seemed to be the best option.  And then she yelled at me that she was awake, and I wondered how she became 16 in her sleep, and I became very afraid of the future.  I'm not ready for a teenager, not at all.

Mastiffs should have been named Massives.  As in the size of their poops.  And he's only two months old.  And I think I met my match in the laziness department.  He doesn't even want to go up and down stairs.  Neither do I.  But I still do it for the children.  And the occasional shower.

All of Captain Awesome's favorite shows have been cancelled at one point or another, which means that they're all reruns, which means that we've seen them all eleventy billion times.  Which in some cases, it's okay, but when the kid is on a certain kick for a show, it means that the DVR is full of them, even though he'll probably only want to watch one episode on repeat.  Which means that we're looking for booze at 8:14 am.

Pediatricians should pass out DIY anesthesia so you can cut your toddler's finger/toenails.  I'd rather change the most disgusting diaper on the planet than cut this kid's nails.  It is a kevlar-needed situation.

I'm ready for snow.  Don't hate.  I love snow.

We have 800 Walmarts in this town and none of them carry the same stuff.  This annoys me.  Really annoys me.

Two year olds and puppies both like to eat board books.

I'm not in the Christmas spirit yet.  I think I need to start baking.  And eating.  And then cursing myself for eating.  And then drinking.  Because isn't that what Christmas is all about?


  1. Ugh, that stupid champagne add ruined Carol of the Bells for me like 20 years ago.

    Teenagers with alarm clocks are "of the devil"

    I hate that though beings on the air forever, I only get to see 1 freakin' Spongebob episode whenever I am asked to watch TV with my 7 year old.

    I spent a lot of time sanding my kids nails down because I hated the clippers or rather the nail size. Recently went to the foot doctor for a possible ingrown toenail and he tells me you should always cut your nails straight across! Brilliant, except that all the clippers are rounded.

    I too love snow...and your title!


  2. Hell yeah, the holidays are about drinking! And all other times of the year when you have kids, so cheers, sistah!

  3. I just want it to get cold enough for the warm wintery drinks full of booze. COME ON, WINTER! Don't force me to rip apart pillows. Again.