Monday, December 12, 2011

I don't remember seeing ducks in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.

So because I can be an ass, and I love my friends from Tha Dirtay Jerz, I had to start some shit when I saw that there were Bumpits on sale for $3.75, because you know everyone looks like Snooki in New Jersey.  Except my friends.  And Chris Christie.  Dude totally needs a Bumpit.  I can hardly type right now I'm laughing so hard imagining him wearing a a Bumpit.  And a Mystic Tan.  And taking a picture of himself with a cell phone making a duck face.

Can't... brreeeeeeeeeeeeathe...

Haaaaaaaaah! Thanks, Pinterest!

Okay, here's how it is:  STOP with the Oompa Loompa Mystic Tan Duckface business!!!  The following images, while seared on my brain forever so it's not an issue, should never be forgotten as so not to make a huge fashion fuck-up:

Thankfully, I don't know who these people are.  I totally stole this off Pinterest.  Well, not stole, it was free.  Anyway, this is a prime example of "Oompa Loompa Duckface - You're Doing It Wrong".  

I don't think any more needs to be said about this one. Thanks, Pinterest?

Stop the insanity!  Where is Susan Powter when we need her and her platinum buzz cut?

Eat, Breathe, Move, Duckface? Thanks, Google Images!

Well, hell, I just shot myself in the ass with that, didn't I?  Well, who said she was stable anyway?  Stop your own insanity, SP!

It's Monday.  And Captain Awesome has watched Tangled approximately 1749817 times this weekend.  And wants to watch it again.  Someone shoot me in the face and pass the coffee.  And cheesecake.


  1. The "20 years later" one cracked me up. Srsly, who thinks that is sexy? My first thought is Goldie Hawn in First Wive's Club when she does too much lip plumper. Scary.

  2. 20 years later duckface? BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! There aren't enough letters for how fucked up funny that is.

    Oh, Tangled. Yes, mine get on that kick as well. I'm glad I'm not the only one that has to suffer through 8,000 times of hearing "Motheeeeeeeerrrrrrrrr Knows. Best!" and then hearing the wee tots repeat the song ad nauseum. Alchohol, ma dear. Get thee a drink, stat!

  3. Andi, I absolutely love Goldie Hawn. Overboard is one of my favorite movies! Those lips though? I just don't understand. It really makes me wonder what future generations are going to think about this time when they're studying it in history class. "And here, we have the 'duckface'."

    Misty, Mother Gothel is a dirty whore. I haaaaaaaaate that song. Tell me one more time I'm getting chubby, you hag, I dare you.

  4. I wish we could trade our kids' obsessions at will. Iike I could honestly go for a few iterations of Tangled. Right now it's High School Musical (I, II, and III) that I want destroyed.