Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I'm just a preteen dirtbag, baby...


My 10 year old is starting her journey towards becoming a woman.  Why does that make it sound like it is a magical trip through Narnia on the back of a unicorn while tree sprites and other creatures toss flower petals on you?  Because the reality of it is that puberty suuuuuuuuuuuucks.  Not only for those going through it, but those of us who are forced to live with those who are going through it.

Now, here is my hope: that having a daughter going through it first will make anything boy-related seem like a walk in the park.  For those of you who have had boys go through it first, and if I'm wrong, just nod your head and smile.  I prefer to remain ignorant.  I don't want to think of my two year old doing gross teenage boy stuff yet.  He's still precious.  Kinda.

Anyway, back to the girl.  So, she broke her wrist on the first full day of school.  How exciting!  A cast!  Signed by her BFFs!  Rad!  Bathing her?  Not so rad.  I like to think I'm a good mom, I take care of my kids, I even feed them and change their litter boxes, but giving my 10 year old girl who is developing a bath?  It was so awkward for the both of us, we had ice cream for dinner.  She had hers topped with chocolate sauce, I sprinkled Xanax on mine.  September 12 is when she gets the cast off, and I think both of us will be happier than we've been in weeks.

I'm really hoping that she has Health class before I have to give her the sex talk.  We've done an abbreviated version of the period talk.  Of course, that was after she saw her baby brother running around the house with two handfuls of tampons and a wrapped (and NEW, just in case y'all freak out) maxi pad in his mouth.  With my defense mechanism being sarcasm, I don't think talking about wee-wees and hoo-hoos is going to be my shining moment.  Just thinking about this is making me break out in a cold sweat.  I'm not real sure how I wound up with this as part of my job description.  Maybe her dad should... Oh, God - NO.


  1. Why in the world are you bathing her?! Doesn't she have another hand?! I can understand maybe getting the shampoo out of her hair, but she can't use her other hand?
    Maybe I'll try it one handed tonight and see how hard it is. Haha.

  2. HA! She broke her wrist on the first full day of school. And I don't need another trip to the hospital to get a new cast put on because she got it soaked. Bless her heart, she hates it as much as I do.

    But when you take that one-handed shower, you have to hold the unusable arm up over your head so water doesn't accidentally get in the breadbag your mom uses to cover your cast, okay?

  3. Oh I didn't even think abou having to hold her arm up over her head. Hahaha. I tried showering with one hand and half way through washing my hair was like "Screw this crap. I'm going to be in here for an hour at this rate!" Bless her heart (and yours)! I hope time flies...and she doesn't get too dirty!