Friday, August 19, 2011

Stop! Hammah time. Or collaborate and listen.

Things that are currently happening in my world that need a cease and desist order:

1.  My son needs to stop playing with the toilet brush.  Read: chewing on it.

2.  My dog needs to stop bringing locust shells to the back door.  There's literally a pile.

3.  My dog needs to stop eating grasshoppers and puking them up on my every-rental-in-America-beige carpet.

4.  Justin Beiber needs to stop breathing.

5.  My 10 year old needs to stop being so concerned with Justin Beiber's love life and the fact that there was a street named after him and the street sign was stolen.  Read: She needs to realize I don't give two shits about JB.

6.  Cialis needs to stop showing their commercials during times when I'm trying to eat.

7.  Extenze needs to stop putting men like Jimmy Johnson on their commercials, because the last thing I need to imagine is him in the sack.  Naked.  With his immovable hair.

8.  ASPCA needs to stop with the commercials that make me cry even when I'm not PMSing.  Just so they know, I turn it every time it comes on.  And stop with the Sarah McLachlan music already.  It reminds me that I do have a soul.  And it's ruining my image.

9.  If Terry Bradshaw is going to commentate football, he needs to stop shotgunning beers in the parking lot before gametime.  Stop distracting me from the real reason I watch football.  To drink my own beer.

10.  Summer needs to stop.  If my kids are in school, temps pushing 100 are no longer acceptable.  Football is on, my yard is dead, bring on the cooler temps.  It's hard to want to light the firepit and drink outside when you sweat and/or choke on the humidity the instant you walk out the door.

11.  Sesame Street needs to stop ignoring the fact that Bert and Ernie are more than best friends.

That is all.  For now.  I need to extract my kid from what sounds like inside the dryer.  Which needs to stop, as well.

1 comment:

  1. I HATE the ASPCA commercials. As soon as I hear the music, I literaly start yelling "STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!" and then I run around looking for the remote so I can change the channel. However, when the commercials about children starving in third world countries come on, I have no issues. It's ass-backwards. I don't understand.