Things I learned and/or realized on my firstborn's second birthday.

1.  A two year old can TP an entire hallway in the amount of time it takes me to change my clothes.  I'm talking a practically new Mega Roll, people.

2.  Take pictures of events such as previously mentioned.  It's just toilet paper.  It's not like he whitewashed the hardwood floor with White-Out or motor oil.

3.  Having awesomely overstuffed, oversized chairs is usually the most wonderful thing in the world.  Until you fuck your back up and it takes the jaws of life to get you out, and your coffee has kicked in, and the dog spies 73819 squirrels that need chased 73819 times.  Make that 73820.

4.  Watching President Obama on tv talking about coconut cream pie instead of jobs makes me want pie.  And a job.  Maybe if I send him a pie, he'll give me the job I just applied for?

5. Two year olds really don't believe in naps on their birthday.  Their moms do, though.

6.  Maybe this back pain I have is just me reliving the back labor I had ALL.DAY. two years ago.  Thank you, induction medication.  Thanks even more to the two epidurals.

7.  It never fails, on a day where I'm not feeling my best, that that will inevitably be the day that I have to unpinch fingers from cabinets, retrieve a toddler from the dining room table, pull him out of the front load dryer, change 5 number 2 diapers before lunch, and realize that we're out of my favorite creamer.

8.  Fifth graders are really easy to embarrass in public.  Add that to my newest Facebook "About Me" update.

9.  I'm grateful even more today for my husband, who wisely talked me out of buying the floor piano (like on Big) for Quinn for his birthday.  Even though I really wanted it for me.  I'm pretty sure I'd already be ready to claw my eyes out.

10.  Buying gifts that don't make noise or require batteries is the biggest win of my life.