Thursday, November 10, 2011

My husband should trade me in for a new model: Episode 4.

Well folks, there's two days' worth of glorious suggestions left to make me more of the wife I'm supposed to be, according to this whackadoo.  So, without further adieu, Wife School: Part 4:

1.  BUY A BUMPER STICKER: Put a "I Love My Husband" bumper sticker on your car.  Do people really put bumper stickers on their cars still?  Why not a "I Love My Husband" magnet that will inevitably come off in the car wash?  And seriously, really?  That's just about as obnoxious as "My (insert gender of child here) is an honor student at (insert grade school here)."  I will admit, though, that I do have a "____Elementary School" magnet on my car.  It's official.  I'm old.  Besides, if you bought one at back to school night, you got a chocolate chip cookie.  So you can see where my motivation comes from right there.

2.  DON'T CONTRADICT HIM IN FRONT OF OTHERS: This will only embarrass him and cause people to lose respect. This is especially important if you have children. Have you met me?  I contradict MYSELF in front of others, so chances are, I'm going to contradict the Hubs, too.  And let's face it, he's never right.  Well, sometimes.  So mistakes need to be corrected, right?  I just saved the fucking day, fuggetabout being embarrassed.   

3.  GREET HIM AT THE DOOR: Don't wait for your husband to say, "Honey, I'm home!" Watch for him, and greet him at the door with a hug and kiss. Should I change my name to June Cleaver and learn how to make a martini the way he likes it?  Then I'm gonna need a prescription for "mother's little helper" and put some plastic on my couches.  

4.  DON'T TRY TO BE HIS MOM: Remember you are his wife, not his mother. Don't jump him every time he leaves something on the floor or his clothes don't match. It's OK to lovingly remind him, occasionally, but don't nag him. This one is not an issue for me, because I'm nowhere close to being... well, let's just say that I will never in a million years be like his mom.  And I gave up on nagging a long time ago, because a) it didn't work, and 2) I was annoying myself.

1 comment:

  1. I would have never survived back in the day when wives had to act like that! :)